Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
