are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
