guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
