Barsexuality is the new black.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
