To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
