clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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