We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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