I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The air was thick with penises
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
