Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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