What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
