No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
