***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
