Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
