so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
