i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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