Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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