Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
