I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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