he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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