I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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