Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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