We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
