I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
