I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
