how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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