dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
