A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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