I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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