Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
