it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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