dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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