If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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