you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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