Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
