I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
