Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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