Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
