Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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