Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
