Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
3 2 1 whiskey
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
