somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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