Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
