I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
