I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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