You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
