You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wish my penis had an off switch
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
