summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
