I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
