things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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