so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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