It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
